PRETEND
by FictionallySpeaking
Summary: What happened after Deacon boarded Juliette's jet at the end of episode 1x11 "You Win Again." DEACON/RAYNA - Missing Scenes Fic Challenge.


**DISCLAIMER:** Characters are copyright of Nashville. I own nothing.

* * *

Rayna smoothed the creases in her jacket as she forced her hands not to shake. The seat creaked when she changed her position and she swore. Drawing attention was the last thing she wanted to do, especially now that they were all trapped in such a small space. Silence hung in the air as the plane left the tarmac, and Rayna felt her stomach fall through the cabin floor as they began to make the slow climb into the sky. Every dark and dreaded feeling she'd tried to ignore had found its way into her being, each eager to torment her as she tried to focus on anything but his face. She gulped as her mind jerked into overdrive.

_Why the hell is he here?_

Rayna wanted to throw up. She didn't know why she was even asking herself that question, she knew exactly why he was here. Surely he'd done it to spite her, throwing the last punch, twisting the knife that little bit further, knowing full well what he was doing by sitting a few feet away from her. Deacon knew how much it would sting when he flat out told her he wasn't here for her band. He'd been right, it had killed her. She didn't blame him though, especially after yesterday. Their tongues had wreaked havoc, clawing at the walls they had both built to hide what they were really feeling. He had said his share and she had said her fill, and now they were sitting in the aftermath of it all.

Rayna still couldn't quite figure how it happened. One minute she was wandering across the street his house and the next minute he was slamming the front door in her face. Arguing hadn't even been her intention when she had sought him out; she had gone around wanting to be a listening ear. She had lost count of the number of times that they had shared their troubles with each other; it had become second nature to do that. He had always been the first person she would look for, the first person she needed, the first person that told her everything would be all right. Neither had ever been interested in passing judgment, instead they had sat and listened in the comfortable quiet of one another's company as they had watched their worries run away.

Rayna smiled.

Those times held some of her fondest memories of him; they also held some of the most painful ones. Yesterday had been the latter. Yesterday had been painful. She wished it had never happened. He had translated her care, the concern and her sincerity as an insult, quickly brushing it off, brushing her off. Deacon didn't buy it, he didn't want it.

_Well the good news is it's not twelve years ago, so I'm not your responsibility._

She tugged at a loose strand of hair, forcing her eyes to fix themselves on the ceiling as her mind continued to spin yesterday's memories. If she thought she couldn't handle the feelings that came with those words and that cold stare, she hadn't been prepared for what would come next. Over the last thirteen years they had walked a fine wire. They'd danced around the desire to be closer, the need to stay longer, the craving and longing to remember each other's warmth. They had walked that wire slow and steady, never uttering the things they both kept locked inside. Instead they'd settled for those silent conversations their eyes shared, the lingering embraces and the feelings hidden behind the words they exchanged. That was how it went, that was what they did. Pretending was easier than being honest, at least until yesterday anyway.

_I guess you made the right choice, him over me...I know you could've waited for me...and you didn't._

She exhaled heavily, pushing his angry words away. She was hardly to blame, but it felt like that all the same. Rayna knew that she hadn't waited; everyday was a reminder of what she'd done. She had chosen Teddy. Deacon hadn't given her much choice; the reckless turns and hopelessness he had tangled them in back then had pushed them both over the edge, spinning heartache and turmoil into everything. She didn't regret choosing Teddy, that wasn't it at all. She loved him, and she loved the girls, but lately, all her mind was stuck on was Deacon; wondering, hoping, longing, remembering and craving his touch. This was a torturous way to be, and thinking about it, thinking about him, it made everything hurt. Yesterday hadn't helped either of them, if anything it exaggerated the emotional battles brewing inside. She knew he felt the same and that made this angry and wounding silence between them all the more unbearable.

Shrill bouts of laughter tumbled through the cabin and Rayna jumped, her quiet reveries interrupted by all the commotion. She cleared her throat and twisted her hair into a loose knot as she tried her best to ignore the conversation to her left.

"Deacon Claybourne, you have no idea how happy I am that you finally took me up on my offer," Juliette chirped, tapping her cell phone on her knee. "…I mean, you've gotta admit it's been a long time comin'."

"Well, that's a way of puttin' it," Deacon mumbled, taking his sunglasses off to rub his eyes.

"…You know, part of me still hasn't forgiven you for puttin' me off for so long…but then again, I guess all this waitin' paid off…"

"Paid off?"

Smiling wide, Juliette looked over her shoulder, hoping to catch Rayna's eye as she spoke. "I've always wanted the best, and now I've got it. I don't really have too much to be complain' about these days."

Rayna scoffed, biting her lip to supress the sound as she shook her head. Juliette grinned but Rayna refused to acknowledge her mocking stare. Instead, she focused on her nails, examining each one as she made a mental note to get another manicure.

Juliette cleared her throat and flashed a wicked smile in Deacon's direction. "You and I…we're gonna have a lot of fun. I can feel it, can't you?"

Deacon grunted, not really interested in making conversation. "Mmm."

"Especially now that a certain bean dip stealin', rehearsal sabotagin', arrogant, rude, egotistical, ass-"

"-I think we get it Juliette," Glenn interjected, cocking an eyebrow as his stare told her to pipe down.

"_Especially _now that a certain guitarist ain't around anymore…" Juliette continued, waving a hand in Rayna's direction as she rolled her eyes at Glenn. Deacon's gaze shifted from Juliette to Rayna. "I can see this tour bein' a hell of a lot of fun."

Reflexively, Rayna dug her fingers into the seat beneath her as she pursed her lips. It was getting harder to ignore the incessant nonsense. She knew that Juliette wanted her to bite; she'd been baiting her with every sugar-coated word. If Juliette didn't stop soon, Rayna was about ready to guarantee that she'd give her what she wanted; a full-fledged verbal attack. Rayna shot Bucky a look. If ever there was a day she wanted to kill him, it was today. He had to have known about Deacon joining the tour. How could he not have known? She swore under her breath when he let out a small chuckle.

_You need to stop, just look out the damn window and breathe. It's not worth it._

"That's right isn't it, Rayna?" Juliette called, turning around in her seat to face her. "No more Liam? Just us three?…"

Rayna swallowed hard, mustering a smile as she mumbled a string of incoherent words to her manager. There was no way she was going to dignify that question with an answer. She stood quickly, struggling to right her balance as she began to walk. "Buck, you still take your coffee with two sugars, right?"

Bucky nodded, flipping the page of a magazine as he watched her. He knew Rayna wasn't really interested in beverages. She wanted an escape and she wanted it now.

The coffee brewed as Rayna stood idly, the click of her toe tapping the floor as she busily hummed the familiar refrain of "Buried Under." She hadn't meant to make so much noise, but drowning Juliette out was harder than she thought. Juliette's voice had traveled through the whole plane as she raved about plans for the tour, setlist changes and writing new material with Deacon. On, and on, and on, and on she went. Rayna exhaled heavily, closing her eyes as she gripped the counter.

_This plane has got to be landin' soon._

The draft from the refrigerator hit her first, realization quickly following as her eyes snapped open. She wasn't alone. Rayna looked to her right and froze. Deacon. Heaviness hung amongst the tension in the air and Rayna was finding it hard to breathe. She couldn't figure if he'd come to wave a white flag, or if she should prepare for another word raging battle. Deacon tapped the handle of the fridge door as he held it at arms length. Rayna watched him, hoping to get his attention with the weight of her stare. He still didn't look at her. He didn't acknowledge that she was standing 3 feet away from him.

Rayna cleared her throat, hesitating as she pulled out a third cup. "You still take yours black don't you?"

Deacon made no attempt to reply.

"So we're not talkin'…" Rayna breathed, pouring three cups of coffee as she nodded. "That's gonna be interestin', considerin' we're both workin' on the same tour."

"You and I, we ain't playin' the same tour Rayna," Deacon said coolly, keeping his eyes fixed on the open fridge. Rayna knew exactly what he meant by that. He was pointing out that if she was interested in asking him to join her band, he was anything but available. She made a mental note to get Bucky to make a few calls when they landed

Rayna slammed the cutlery drawer shut after she pulled out a teaspoon. "What are you doin'?"

"Before you start, remember that _you _wanted me to be happy Ray, so here I am bein' happy. You don't get to pick and choose when it's right or wrong for you," he shot, the venom in his voice taking him by surprise as he finally turned around to face her.

"You're tellin' me that joinin' this tour, joinin' Juliette's band makes you happy? Really?"

"Just like he makes you happy?" Deacon raised an eyebrow, struggling to hide the bitterness in his voice. The pained look in her eyes told him she knew he was talking about Teddy. "Hmmm, that's a good one."

"You know what, forget it," Rayna shook her head, tipping the steaming liquid she'd poured into Deacon's cup down the sink. Why had she bothered trying to bridge the distance when he was making no effort to do the same? An unfamiliar restlessness was beginning to sit itself on her skin. The thought that this might be what she had to look forward to these coming months made her cringe. She grimaced in an attempt to hide the hurt gurgling inside. "We're not doin' this. I don't wanna know what's goin' on with you, hell, I don't even wanna know why you're here."

Deacon stifled a laugh, his eyes weary and his words quiet. That was a lie if he'd ever heard one. "That's easier to say than do…especially when you already know why I'm here."

Rayna's eyes shot up, catching his quickly as he kept her stare. She faltered in the moment of decision, struggling to find the right words. Right now, she could be honest or she could do what they both did far too well, she could pretend. Rayna choked on the lie that rolled off her tongue. "I don't know what you mean."

Deacon swallowed hard and nodded. Rayna felt like her own words had kicked her in the stomach, wounding and leaving her to bleed out guilt as he looked away. She watched as he pulled a milk carton out of the fridge and placed it in front of her. He simply looked at her and she paused. He didn't call her out on her lie, he wasn't going to rant, he just fixed his eyes on hers. "You still take yours with milk."

Watching him walk out of the kitchenette and into the bustle in the main cabin, Rayna slammed her hand on the counter and swore. They'd done it again. They'd come full circle, stubbornly settling for the patterns they both hated. But then again, compromising the truth with lies, locking away their desires and pulling the covers over their feelings was what they seemed to do best. Rayna frowned. Her resolve was wearing thin. She wasn't as strong as she pretended to be. Neither was Deacon. For the first time in a long time, the flaws between the lines were beginning to show. Rayna wondered how long they would keep ignoring the obvious. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? She didn't know.

But until then, until that happened, this was how it would go. They would do this tour together; when she wasn't ignoring Juliette's offhanded comments, she would probably make painful small talk backstage with Deacon. She would deny that she was scared and unsure of herself and what was happening between them. She would settle for pretending, and she'd ignore the obvious tugging at her heart that was telling her that pretending wasn't really something she wanted so much anymore.

* * *

**There it is, my missing scenes fic challenge piece. I hope you enjoyed reading it. ****Many thanks and more to KarenES for beta-reading this piece. I am so grateful, words cannot describe it. I really can't thank you enough. **


End file.
